Confessions of a Killer

   One day I was changing my profile picture and came across one of my favorite pictures.  It shows a man at the foot of the cross.  At first glance, it seems he is just kneeling there.  On closer inspection, I see a huge hammer in one hand and a massive nail in the other.  My heart sinks as it hits me,  I did this to my Jesus...............and a story is born.  I pray my story blesses you.  Be aware this is not a tickle your toes and make you smile story.  It is rightly and admittedly harsh.  The Lord tells us this is the purpose of His Word, to reprove, chastise, and rebuke so that we will be presented acceptable unto God.  (2 Timothy 4:2)

Confessions of a Killer

By

Cynthia Rowland 8/18/2012

     I have been completely consumed with my love for Jesus since I was very young.  In fact, I gave my heart to the Lord when I was seven years old, at a tent revival while Grandpa Smith sang “The King is Coming!” and received the gift of the Holy Spirit with the evidence of speaking in tongues about 6 months later.  I admit I am fascinated with the work of the cross.  I tend to spend hours examining each step Jesus took the last 24 hours of His earthly life.  Crying as He was tried in a kangaroo court, cruelly beaten and humiliated by those He loved, and the heart breaking betrayal of Peter and Judas Iscariot~His friends.  As is common in the Christian community I totally gloss over the fact that I nailed Him to that cross.  Allow me to introduce myself:  my name is Cyndi, I am a Christian and I killed Jesus. 

     How can I be responsible for the horror my beloved King experienced the last twenty-four hours of His life?  I mean, I am neither a Pharisee nor a Sadducee.  I am neither Caesar nor Herod.  In fact, I was not even a thought in my ancestors’ heart when Jesus was crucified, but I am a Christian!  I would never do that to my Savior!  So how did I do this?  Simple, I breathe!  (See Romans 3:10)  The bible tells us that all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). 

     Ok.  I admit I sin.  However, my sins are miniscule and really do not hurt anyone.  I mean I have not raped anyone or abused a child or an elderly person, I respect and honor my Mom, I give money to the poor.  Wow, I even used to teach Sunday school.  So where am I sinning?  Let me show you:

     First, I am a thieving, murderer;  I could easily sit here an attempt to justify my sin with the excuse “Yes, but it was just a little lie” or “they have plenty pens, they won’t miss one” or even “It’s ok, I was just too busy to write my paper.  A cut here, paste there, add my name and turn it in.”  Just little sin right?  No big deal, right?  Wrong!  The Lord says sin is sin.  He goes on to say if you hate your brother that is the same as murder (1 John 3:15).  Wow, I tend to hate those who I feel have hurt me, to God that is the same as murder (1 John 4:20).  That is one.

     Second, I am prideful and disobedient;   in my defense I could say,”k but I am a good person (Mark 18:10).  I try to do what is right, I am raising my kids alone, trying to get an education, I pray and read my bible.  No, I do not go to church; I just have not found one that fits me.  Wait a minute:  the Lords tells us not to forsake the fellowship of the saints (Hebrews 10:25) ~, I do not fellowship with fellow believers on a regular basis.  I do not go to church because I have not found one that fits me.  ~this is willful disobedience and my pride.  That is two. 

     All right, that is two.  Two sins I cannot deny anymore; but I love the Lord my God with all my heart.  (Ok so I hate my biological father.  So what?  So, I am a liar!)  The Lord says if we say we love Him but hate our brother we are liars and all liars have their place in the lake of fire(1 John 4:20).  And that is three.  My three “little” sins nailed my King to the cross, beat, and humiliated Him, just so I could be who I am.  And who is that?  I am the one who killed Jesus….and so are you.